When people have asked me how things are going with the Modern Love Machine lately, I have found myself saying, ‘Things are great. Our relationship is still shiny.” And here we are six months after our first date, give or take a day or two, things are still shiny. You know shiny — that new-relationship, everything is perfect, everything is so heads-over-heely, nothing has gone wrong feeling.
There’s an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie’s in the early stages of her relationship with Aiden (in which early meant the first couple of weeks), and she keeps freaking out because everything seems so perfect. I used to think that was silly, why freak out about pefection? But now I get it.
My irrational fear is that things between the MLM and I really can’t be this good, that something’s got to give at some point. And that irrational fear keeps manifesting itself into bad dreams of the MLM doing something dastardly and thus revealing the folly of the shiny feeling.
Mind you, none of those irrational fears come from anything the Modern Love Machine has done or said. He is everything I want in a guy — he’s smart and funny, his personality suits mine, and really, what’s not to like about dating this? (P.S., the MLM really wants to become an internet sensation, so anything you can do to help that cause is greatly appreciated.)
The irrational fears come from the fact that I’ve been burned so badly in the past that my subconscious is just SURE it’s going to happen again, no matter how much I try to assure it otherwise.
I know it’s probably also irrational to believe that the shiny feeling can be a permanent thing. Even good relationships seem to get less shiny over time and become just comfortable with a side of the occasional fight or flaw. That’s not bad, it’s just life. Or at least, that’s what I’ve always thought.
You tell me. In your long(ish) relationships, when did the shiny feeling wear off, or did it at all? Is it possible to find permanent shine? Or do even the best relationship eventually settle into a status quo with just the occasional shiny spot to keep it going?