About two weeks ago before everyone was all, ‘Blah, blah, rapture this’ and ‘yadda, yadda, end of the world that,’ the Modern Love Machine turned to me and in all seriousness asked if I thought the world was going to end next year. My response was, ‘Are you kidding? It has to be ending sooner than that.’ And now we find out it’s supposed to end at 6 p.m. local time on Saturday.
Has Friday afternoon at work felt at all like the last day before spring break to any of the rest of you? I mean, I’ve been absolutely worthless today, and while that may have everything to do with the headache I’m nursing, I don’t feel guilty because I’m presuming there won’t be work to be done come Monday anyway. Wait, if it’s the end of the world, there won’t be any work to be done for sure, but if it’s the rapture and I get stuck here on Earth, does that mean I have to come in on Monday? I’m so confused. The Catholic Church has only taught me about Purgatory.
Anyway, my belief that the world was about to end started with the tornadoes that blew through the South and continued as parts of Memphis flooded (side note: everyone and thing I know and love in Memphis is high and dry, for which I am grateful). A co-worker of mine reminded me that the cicadas are coming this year, so that’s as good as locusts for me. And then Macho Man went and died, and everyone is saying that’s another sign of the apocolypse. And then my dear state, Tennessee, went and made itself stupider by telling teachers and students they can’t say gay, so why don’t we just quit before it inevitably gets worse?
Anyway, at 6 p.m. local time I’ll be watching my dear cousin try to race the rapture down the aisle to marry her sweetie. Meanwhile the MLM will have already perished (or gotten left behind, whichever the case may be) while at graduation for the kiddos he teaches. Though I will be with my parents at the time, I’m a little peeved at the prospect that I won’t be with the MLM when the world ends. Not to mention I’ll be even more pissed off if the world ends without the MLM and I having that wedding that we’ve put all our effort and stress into. I mean, I really would have been OK with a courthouse wedding months ago, and then we’d be married when the world ended AND wouldn’t have wasted the effort in wedding planning.
Did I mention we’re under a month to go for that wedding? See also: reasons I am ineffective at work on days like this.
And no, I don’t really believe the world is ending/rapture is coming. But it would be nice to have an excuse for all the tornadoes/floods/deaths/stupid people, wouldn’t it? If we make it through the weekend, y’all can join TNlocavore and I for our rainbows-and-glitter parade down Gay Street in Knoxville, Tenn. (We may not be able to say gay in Tennessee but we can act it.)
My brother is getting married the first weekend in June, so I can understand your pain at the thought that the Rapture (if it were real and I don’t believe it is) might come just before all of that effort came to fruition. I’d definitely be pissed.
I do agree, though, that it would be nice to have something to blame for all the craziness that’s happened lately – makes it easier to deal with somehow, if there’s a reason, instead of just completely randomness. If only it were that simple.
Honestly, I welcome the rapture so long as it takes all the horrible TN GOP Senators and Congresspeople. And a good chunk of the Tea Partiers from all across the country. If they go then I want to stay behind and watch the end of the world in peace.
I was really unsure about this Rapture thing too. I literally didn’t know if I should invest in getting groceries or if I should just be in my apartment and drink all my wine while watching my favorite movies. I mean, WTH? End of the world and no details?
NOW I get the rainbows-and-gay-glitter reference!!! Haha, I was out of the loop and was not aware that our fine state of TN put a ban on a the word gay. But if they try to ban guns, anarchy. Hmmm….. wouldn’t it be funny if Charlton Heston were gay?? It would cause automatic hard drive crashes in most minds of Tennesseeans 🙂 His bumper sticker would say “you keep your change and I’ll keep my guns AND my hot piece of man muscle!”
Things like the “don’t say gay” rule make me want to bang my head against a wall. Actually, no, it makes me want to take whomever came up with that and bang HIS head against a wall. Do they think that if we all ignore homosexuality, it’ll magically go away? Idiots.
October 21 is the new date. Get ready for our parade. We’re going to be the gayest gays that ever gayed on that day.