Jeepers. Somehow, while the Modern Gal was working her tail off or taking a long Thanksgiving break to do some shopping, championship week arrived. I’m so excited about the prospects for today, and you should be too. I know you may have holiday decorations or baking on the mind for today, so I want to make everything as simple as possible for you.
(All times in Eastern, because that’s the way America works)
10 a.m. Wake up. You’ve slept in enough, and you need to make coffee and prepare for a long day of gluttonous football consumption.
11 a.m. Take the dog for a walk. It may be the only exercise you get all day.
12 p.m. Lunch. Try to be healthy as it’s all downhill from here today.
1 p.m. Army v. Navy (CBS). Ok, this game has absolutely no impact on college football, whatsoever. Except that it’s a ginormous rivalry. It’s also worth a few minutes of viewing just to see all the uniforms in the stands.
Really freakin’ old, and yet, nobody cares.
2 p.m. Switch to ACC Championship, Va. Tech v. BC, the rematch (ABC). Basically BC stole a game from Va. Tech earlier in the season that more or less ruined Va. Tech’s hopes for BCSness and really just made me hate BC for being totally overrated, as this game probably is, but still worth watching as it should be close and hard-fought. Winner goes to Orange Bowl.
4 p.m. Switch to SEC Championship, throwback style (CBS). Spend commercial breaks with UCLA v. USC (ABC). The SEC (Supreme Elite Conference) game is reminiscent of 2001, when LSU ruined Tennessee’s hopes of a national championship bid. That’s obviously not the stake this week, but it may settle the score on which team could out-overtime the other. The “what should be known as the Pac-10 Championship game” should determine a Rose Bowl bid.
6 p.m. Assuming it’s halftime of the SEC game, grab a very, very fast dinner. The night is still young and the SEC game likely will go into 12 overtimes.
8 p.m. Switch to Big-12 Championship game (ABC) if and ONLY if the SEC game has concluded. And I mean concluded. One team may be down by 20 points with 2 minutes to go, but you’ll regret if you turn the channel thinking it’s over. Big-12, aka the weirdest championship game of the season, will need your full and undivided attention as soon as the SEC game is done. This one is important. It will tell us if the unlikely Mizzou Tigers will be playing for a national championship (and we can all hope so as it will spare us all from Ohio State/Big Ten+one for at least one season). Commercial breaks here can be split between either Pitt v. West Virginia (ESPN) or Arizona v. Arizona State (ESPN2), though I recommend the latter if you want to keep your football-loving world Zen.
12 a.m. Pass out from overindulgence of football and/or beer. Praise the Lord that you have some time to recover before … wait for it … wait for it … bowl season.