A day ago I was fuming about this ordeal, but now I’m mostly over it and just mildly amused. Let me still share:

I had to take a break from packing/cleaning the house yesterday to pick up my new license plate from the county clerk’s office. It had to be done yesterday because yesterday was pretty much the only weekday off I’ve had in Nashville. This particular county is one of a handful of counties that require emissions testing as a condition of getting one’s car tags renewed.

I’ve always thought emissions testing is a good thing: there’s been plenty of studies that show the amount of particulate matter does drop significantly when such testing is implemented. Plus, I’ve never had any problems getting my cars through testing as I take pretty good care of them and have them serviced regularly.

You can probably see where I’m going with this.

I left the house around 10:30 to run errands: post office, emissions testing, county clerk, Comcast. In that order as it would be the most efficient on my gas mileage. I drove halfway into town to hit the testing station. After waiting about 15 minutes (by the way, has anyone ever noticed how much idling is going on while cars wait in line for their test? seems contrary to the point of testing), the dude started the test. It seemed to take a little longer than usual. Finally he walks up and hands me the result with the word FAIL, highlighted with yellow marker for extra emphasis, and a frowny face printed on it, just in case I couldn’t read.

FAIL?????

“You need a new gas cap. Once you get one, you’ll have to come back through to get tested again, but you won’t be charged.”

S.O.B. Ok, fine. At least I can take comfort in the fact that they wouldn’t be charging me another $9 in cash to go back through.

I stop at the auto parts store down the street and tell the dude at the counter what I need. “You’re like the ninth one this week to need one.” Thanks, I guess. “Huh, this is weird, but we don’t have any to fit your car.”

To make an already long story shorter, I drove to another auto parts store and a Mazda dealership to no avail. “Yeah, I’ve been out of gas caps for a while; they’re on backorder from Mazda,” said the dude at the Mazda parts counter.

Fortunately the other Mazda dealership in town had one. ONE. THE ONLY ONE IN THE CITY, APPARENTLY. I had the dude there put my name on it so that no one else could get it before I made the 20 MILE DRIVE ACROSS TOWN.

The rest of the process went off without a hitch, the car passed it’s subsequent test and I got my car tag about 30 minutes before the clerk’s office closed, but let us review:

1. A third a tank of gas spent driving across Nashville’s horribly congested grid.
2. $68 for a new gas cap.
3. Two auto parts stores and two Mazda dealerships
4. Somehow supposed to be helping the air quality while doing so

The dude at the second testing station commiserrated with me, “yeah, gas caps made up until about 1998 were solid. After that they just started making crap. It’s a conspiracy with the gas companies so you’ll use more gas.” Hmmm. OK, whatever you say.

He did assure me that I would notice a difference in my gas mileage having replaced the cap, like to the tune of a couple gallons of gas. We’ll see.

It may have been b.s. in theory, but I’ve forgiven Davidson County for one reason and one reason alone. Check out my license plate:

That’s right. Elvis. I am that cool.