When people have asked me how things are going with the Modern Love Machine lately, I have found myself saying, ‘Things are great. Our relationship is still shiny.” And here we are six months after our first date, give or take a day or two, things are still shiny. You know shiny — that new-relationship, everything is perfect, everything is so heads-over-heely, nothing has gone wrong feeling.
There’s an episode of Sex and the City where Carrie’s in the early stages of her relationship with Aiden (in which early meant the first couple of weeks), and she keeps freaking out because everything seems so perfect. I used to think that was silly, why freak out about pefection? But now I get it.
My irrational fear is that things between the MLM and I really can’t be this good, that something’s got to give at some point. And that irrational fear keeps manifesting itself into bad dreams of the MLM doing something dastardly and thus revealing the folly of the shiny feeling.
Mind you, none of those irrational fears come from anything the Modern Love Machine has done or said. He is everything I want in a guy — he’s smart and funny, his personality suits mine, and really, what’s not to like about dating this? (P.S., the MLM really wants to become an internet sensation, so anything you can do to help that cause is greatly appreciated.)
The irrational fears come from the fact that I’ve been burned so badly in the past that my subconscious is just SURE it’s going to happen again, no matter how much I try to assure it otherwise.
I know it’s probably also irrational to believe that the shiny feeling can be a permanent thing. Even good relationships seem to get less shiny over time and become just comfortable with a side of the occasional fight or flaw. That’s not bad, it’s just life. Or at least, that’s what I’ve always thought.
You tell me. In your long(ish) relationships, when did the shiny feeling wear off, or did it at all? Is it possible to find permanent shine? Or do even the best relationship eventually settle into a status quo with just the occasional shiny spot to keep it going?
Ah, the new relationship. Can't beat that feeling.
I think the shine should never fully go away. Sure, the butterflies in the stomach eventually go away, and things become comfortable, but that doesn't mean it's not shiny (which, by the way, is a very apt description.)
I'd say roughly the first six months are the shiny time. After that, it becomes more about establishing trust and confidence and settling in for the long haul, if it's in the cards for you. Not to say that your shine is about to wear off, but just that maybe you'll start to think more about the future than the right-now. That's shiny too, but in a different way.
I'm glad things are going so well for you two!
Good question(s). I am actually more content now that things aren't as shiny. I knew my husband for three years before we married, now been married seven and a half. I like the everyday things, the not-so-perfect, the working at things, the ups and downs. To me that keeps things in perspective. Maybe I'm just really comfortable? I don't know. All I know is that I cannot imagine ever being with anyone else, warts and all. Maybe that is my kind of shiny.
I agree with Courtney. The shine shouldn't ever go away all together. When things feel less shiny around here, it's about the circumstances, not the person, if that makes any sense. . . I can get crabby that a situation sucks, but I will still catch a look at J and think, "Wow! I got to marry that guy. . . "
I don't think that permanent shiny is irrational at all! Like stated above, it's just a different kind of shiny.
BTW, we're at 9 months (yesterday, darn it, see what I did. I forgot! lol). And while I never had overwhelming butterflies at the start (oh, the trickery of love!), this is by far one of the best, most honest, truthful and open — and comfortable — relationships I have ever been a part.
And yeah, some days it scares the living crap out of me, especially when I fear he'll "be like the others" and freak out on me. But then he acts all rational and logical… or just hugs me. Then the world is good.
I'm slowly learning how to travel without all my bags. 😉
The jeweler who created my engagement ring and wedding band told me that after awhile, the shininess of the precious metal would lose a little of its sheen, but it would gain a warmth and luster that is only obtainable over time.
I have found that to be true of not only my rings but of the love I have for my darling husband. Ours was a quick courtship (10 months from meeting to marriage), but 7 lucky years later, while the butterflies and giddiness have subsided, there is a warmth, comfort and unplumbed happiness that demonstrates our love for each other.
I'm glad I had shiny, but I am more in love with lustrous.
three years into my relationship with matt and i still have that shiny feeling. sometimes i wait for something to happen for some "oooh i see" moment, but it hasn't happened yet and i'm quite alright being shiny still. 🙂
Everything's shiny, Cap'n!
This post sounds so familiar to what I've been thinking lately it's a little freaky. It's like I keep waiting for the punchline with the New Boy, and not a funny ha-ha punchline, either. That shiny feeling should always be around at least a little, right?
Also, I love that video of the Modern Love Machine punting. So, so awesome.
I don't have a *ton* of relationship experience but that SATC episode was completely relatable because after a constant bad string of relationships, I was always waiting for the shiny to wear off. And sadly, most of the time it did
I'm with Bupperoni. Lustrous is the way to be.
December 16th marked 15 years after our first "date" and I still get all wobbly in the knees when he gives me one of those lovely, deep kisses. But the most amazing moments happen every day: cuddling with the kids, talking together as best friends, cleaning the house in a mad rush before company comes …
Shiny is awesome and, with a little polish, anything can become shiny again, but I'll take the warm, lived-in lustrousness that the RandomMan and I share.
3 years in with hubs and everything is still shiny and easy 🙂 3 months into our marriage, we argue a bit more but nothing harsh, usually petty but that's entirely normal, overall things are still shiny and happy 🙂 I'm still amazed that we've never had a knock down throw out argument since I was so accustomed to those in previous relationships.
every relationship takes work, but that doesn't mean it can't still have the yay, happy butterfly feeling to it even 6 months + in 🙂
Bupperoni said it perfectly. 🙂