Every time I really start getting into my triathlon training, I mean really get into it, I get this sort of athlete’s high that makes me think, ‘I love triathlons with my whole heart! I should try a little harder to be better at them!’ Ok, so maybe it’s more the case of whenever I cross a triathlon finish line feeling good about the fact that I managed to survive another race only to have my bubble burst upon discovering I was one of the slowest competitors in my division again, I think to myself, ‘I really should try a little harder to get better at this.’ (no exclamation point).

Here is the point where a few of you will make a mental note to chime in during the comment portion of this post and proclaim the survival of a triathlon to be a Big Accomplishment and something I should be proud of. And it is, don’t get me wrong. The world is tough, and every day we survive it is an accomplishment we should be proud of. Many people do not survive the world, and some people don’t survive triathlons. Or desire to even attempt one in the first place. The fact that I plan on surviving a fourth triathlon in a week is something I’m immensely proud of.

me. surviving my first triathlon, august 2009.

But the thing is, as much as survival is often my goal, I don’t really want to stop there. I want to grab life and triathlons by the balls and make them my bitch. Mae West once opined that, ‘You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.’ I think she’s on to something, and I think doing it right involves more than just surviving. And Lord knows, I’d prefer to not need a redo on my life when it’s all said and done.

With the anticipation of finishing near last in my division again in next week’s triathlon, I Googled ‘triathlon training Knoxville’ a while back to see what I could find. The first result was the program run by the local Fleet Feet store, and when I say local, I mean it’s local to where my new office is in the ‘burbs but a minimum 25-minute drive from my home in the ‘hood. But with the new job, anything in the ‘burbs feels local enough to me now, and hey, were I to try their training program out, I could just roll over to the store after work.

Fleet Feet has two tri programs, a 101 program focused on sprints (short tris, like the 5k equivalent) and a 201 program focused on Olympic distance (the 10k or half marathon version of tris). I e-mailed the coach, carefully choosing my words to explain that I would be doing my fourth sprint tri soon, but that I’m A. very slow, B. hate running, C. am scared shitless of open-water swims and D. very, very slow. I told him I was looking just to improve my speed, and not so much my distance, so the 101 program would be best for me, right? The coach e-mailed back to tell me that the 101 was very newbie focused, and if I was about to do my fourth tri, the 201 was where I would improve my speed.

But, let me reiterate … Olympic distance. We’re talking a 1.5 kilometer swim (just shy of a mile in Americanized terms), IN OPEN WATER — which I’ve already mentioned my shitless fear of. Next, a 40 kilometer bike ride (25ish miles). And then you run a 10k.

I’ve never even managed to run a 10k on its own. When I’ve been in my best running shape I would run 4 miles at a time, and I once ran 5 miles. And that’s about the extent of my running career.

But because the coach was nice enough to take the time to send me a lengthy response, I felt indebted enough to him to attend his informational meeting. There were six of us, and fortunately we all seemed to have the same misgivings about being slow and hating open water. One gal didn’t even have her own bike, so there was that. At the very least, I wasn’t out of my league in the informational meeting.

And wouldn’t you know, the coach turns out to be one of those infectuously nice people that you just can’t help but be drawn to. He did his first tri in 1986 and got hooked. Now he does at least two ironman races — IRONMAN! — a year … which, I just, I can’t, no. He loves the sport so, so much that he volunteers to coach these training sessions to give back to the tri community and to convert others into triathlon lovers like himself. And he talked about interspersing training sessions with things like yoga and that family/life/sport balance** is very important. In other words, he was singing just the tune that would ring true in my ears. He also spoke with the seeming assumption that we were all committed to signing up for this training.

Now here’s where the whole Olympic distance thing starts sounding like it ain’t no thing. The training sessions happen Thursday, Friday and Saturday mornings. The Thursday and Friday sessions start at 6 a.m. at a fitness facility that is 16 miles from my house. The Saturday sessions begin, in the coach’s words, ‘As early as we can get out there. I like to beat the sun as much as possible because we train for a long time.’

I am not a morning person.

I’m much better than I used to be, now that I have a regular schedule. As a sportswriter, I never got out of bed before 9 a.m. except for extreme circumstances of doctor’s appointments and the only time a coach or athletic director would meet with me. Otherwise, I could often sleep until 10 a.m. without trying to hard. My body knew no regular work schedule, and therefore my body would not commit to getting out of bed at any particular time. Now I tend to get up between 7 and 7:30, which is the earliest I’ve gotten out of bed on a regular basis since high school.

The combined thoughts of Olympic-distance triathloning and early-morning training sessions and super-long Saturday sessions was enough to make my gut hurt. It hurt in the exact same way that it hurt when I had to talk myself into jumping off the bungee jumping platform (never again) or when I looked down at the glass floor on the observation deck at the CN Tower. Like if I thought about it too long, I was going to need a trash can or porcelain bowl. Thinking about it now is making me a little lightheaded.

Life has been really, really good lately. I love my new job. I love the life my new job is allowing me to have. I have cares in this world, but they are few and far between. Life is so good I wonder if I should be looking over my shoulder expecting to find an unsettling sight or malady. Like if I rest on my laurels a little too hard, bad things are going to happen. This is the point where many couples decide it’s time to get pregnant, but since we’re not interested in having children, clearly something else needs to happen.

I haven’t worked up the courage to sign up for the training just yet, but I recognize the gentle push from the Universe when it’s there. Life shouldn’t merely be survived.

Now instead of congratulating me on surviving a handful of sprint triathlons, I ask, I beg that you tell me I’m crazy. My gut needs some reassurance that this training program upsets it for a reason. Don’t worry, you calling me crazy won’t deter my brain from recognizing this is going to happen.

**While waiting in line to begin my first-ever tri back in 2009, I chatted with another gal doing her first race. She said she chose triathlons over long-distance running because she noticed at a dinner party one time that all the marathon runners there only talked about their running habits. The triathletes talked about their families and their other hobbies. She liked the balance. I wondered in what universe exists dinner parties with so many runners and triathletes.