One of my favorite little things about Christmas is the reliability with which one can depend on favorite movies and stories always finding their way to the TV or newspaper. Like “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” As a child growing up in Memphis, I always looked for the publication of “Clarabell the Christmas Cow” in The Commercial Appeal on Christmas morn.’
So here is my own annual story, or rather blog post. I posted it on my myspace blog two years ago, and I smile evertime I re-read it. I hope it makes you smile too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa …
Original posting date: Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
As I was cleaning a year’s worth of e-mails out of my inbox the other day, I found two that made me smile. My 86-year-old grandmother who died earlier this year was a goofy old lady with a very large family. She was also pretty techno-savvy: she was good with the computer, e-mail, IM, scanner, sending photos, Web sites, cell phones, you name it. She could probably do it better than, say, your parents can (I wouldn’t quite put her on the level of a young adult or adolecent, though). She mainly used it all to keep in touch with her 11 kids, 18 grandkids and 10 great-grandkids.
I’m posting an e-mail she sent to Santa last year right before Christmas. Following that is Santa’s response to her by way of my Aunt Ginny Belle. It’s probably more funny to people who knew her, but I thought it was cute nonetheless. My wish for Santa is that she’s up in heaven keeping an eye on her mischevious family, though I know I don’t really need to ask, because I know she is …
Dear Santa: I am so disgusted with this darn computer. It leads me on and then says I made a mistakes and kicks me off for no reason. It won’t print my pictures, for some silly reason like i don’t have enough space on something or other, but the worst part is it is so darn slow. Take forever to get on line. I guess it is all my fault, but I could surely use a new one. How about dropping one down my chimney on Christmas. Surely would be appreciated. I have been a very good girl!!!!! Love, Mom Smith
Dear Mary Jane,
I received your email last night while checking my list of who’s been good and who’s been naughty! Isn’t it amazing how these modern conveniences like email can make a job for an old coot like me easier!???? I can certainly appreciate your slow pc issues….mine tends to get bogged down at times too…especially with all the letters this time of year from those obnoxious kids who want me to think they’ve been good all year when I know they’ve really been rotten!! But you can’t fool ole Santa—HE KNOWS!!!!
My report on you from the SSSP (Secret Santa Spy Police– former CIA members who left after new director took office), says you have been pretty good this year…with a few exceptions…I had a letter from Jake, a neighborhood squirrel who said you ran him off the bird feeder in your side yard……………now, Mary Jane..he’s one of God’s creatures and needs food too!!! The squirrel also said the hard rapping on the window is getting old–he’s heard it before–need new approach! I thought a .22 might get his attention–what do you think??
Your landlord claims that the squirrel’s revenge was eating holes in your roof and allowing the roof holes to leak into the living room. Although, the initial damage was caused by “Squirrel Revenge”, the SSSP feels the roof is the landlord’s responsibility, but we’ll add that to your list of “Christmas Wants”.
So if I get my list right, at the top of your list is:
–a new computer and printer,
–a new roof
–a repainted living room ceiling
–a stair lift chair
–a new knee
–a person to visit daily or stay with you in that great big house
–a .22 to eliminate “squirrel revenge”
–more visits from family members from out of town
–a cheap yard man to rake leaves and mow grass
–a chauffer
–a miracle drug to fix arthritus that doesn’t involve pills.
Well I am good, but I’m not a magician…so I’ll see what I can do…..but you do need to continue to be good! Take the medicine’s the Drs prescribe, get the exercise they recommend, continue your work at the church, and keep that big family in line! That’s the hardest job! And I’ll see what I can do.
I think a nice visit to the sunny shores of Southwestern Florida this spring would feel great on those 86 year old bones! Maybe sit in that whirlpool and let the warm water do it’s thing? Don’t ya think???
Be good and don’t forget to feed the squirrels! They’ll rat on you every time!
Keep those emails coming…even on that old pc–Santa loves to get them!
Be Good!
Love,
Santa and the SSSP