My colleague’s wife, who works in the marketing department of the local newspaper, forwarded the following e-mail on to the two of us for us to read. It’s something her HR supervisor sent out — not a chain letter.
Working for a company that busts out Office Space caliber crap on a very rare basis, I was on the floor after I read this.
Dear Employees:
>
> It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
>
> We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to
> accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
>
> Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have
> Been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
> continue in an effective manner.
>
>
> 1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
> INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.
>
> 2) TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
> INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.
>
> 3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
> INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
>
> 4) TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
> INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
>
> 5) TRY SAYING: Really?
> INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!
>
> 6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
> INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
>
> 7) TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
> INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f______ problem.
>
> 8) TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
> INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
>
> 9) TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
> INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.
>
> 10) TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
> INSTEAD OF: Why the h___ didn’t you tell me sooner?
>
> 11) TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
> INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.
>
> 12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
> INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
>
> 13) TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
> INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
>
> 14) TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
> INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.
>
> 15) TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
> INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
>
> 16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
> INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
>
> 17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
> INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?
>
> 18) TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
> INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.
>
> Thank You,
>
> Human Resources
I’d argue that several of these “try saying” suggestions aren’t expressing the same sentiment as the original phrase.
Wow.
I know, right?
I really thought this kind of shit only happened on Office Space. Makes me appreciate my job a bit more.
(insert eye rolling here) who are they kidding? Are they trying to take care of children here, instead of run an office? No, many of them do not convey the same message. If you can’t roll with it, get off the ride folks! Sometimes, in trying not to offend anyone, the message gets so watered down it’s completely lost!
Perhaps Human Resources actually has a sense of humor (rare, I know) and is being over-the-top tongue-in-cheek?
I just learned a whole new way to insult my co-workers. Thanks, HR!
I think it’s hilarious HR actually took the time to compile this list. Awesome 🙂
Herman: Having worked at that same place a few years ago under the same HR lady, I can assure you she has no sense of humor.
Noelle: I’m totally plotting who’s going to be on the receiving end of No. 12.
Jenn: I like to think HR has a little book of HRisms that they pull these things from.
I’m not sure, but isn’t your local paper also my local paper? If so, I’ve worked there (very)briefly as well and know said humorless HR lady. Never saw her smile. This is too funny.
Yes, we should have the same local paper. It’s good to have another witness here.
I think HR is trying to making everything PC nowadays. What the hell, should we do a PC check now inside our heads before saying anything in the office now.
But but but… it IS a joke. It’s been around for years. Your colleague’s wife is a joker or was taken in by a joker.
And I can’t tell if all of you know it’s a joke and have dry senses of humor (could that possibly be how one says the plural of a dry sense of humor?), or if you think it was really really real.
That. Is. Fantastic. I’m so printing that out! 😛
this is old.