Modern Friends, I have a confession to make which I’ve never shared with you before: The Modern Gal was in a sorority in college.
I know, gasp, a number of you are going to disown me now, right? Let me clarify by saying I was not a sorority gal. While I did buy make a number of really good friends with the smart, ambitious, non-MRS degree track sisters, I was never among the super-active members and didn’t fit in with the hard-core sorority gals. Frat parties weren’t my scene and neither was the drama that went along with it. I always felt socially inferior to most of the gals. Why did I stick with it? For the aforementioned friends and because our intramural football and softball teams were among the best in the school league.
Why do I bring this up now? Because I’m headed to my first holiday party of the season tomorrow night, that of the sorority’s local alumni chapter. I really never intended on getting involved with the group, but I regularly cross paths with the group’s president who was (kinda) one of the aforementioned friends. She invited me, and I didn’t want to say no to her because she’s really nice.
And that, my friends, is a huge example of how much I’ve changed in the past four years or so.
I am a dedicated introvert. You won’t find me listed in the dictionary with the definition because I often do a good job of masquerading as a social butterfly. But really, socializing outside my comfort zone makes me supremely nervous. Not clinically anxious, but close enough. I don’t know why, although I’m sure it has something to do with insecurity about being the awkward gal and absolutely hating the small talk that goes with first meeting someone. Please, please, please don’t ask me about my job.
Had this been the Christmas right after I graduated from college, I would have politely declined and run the other way from a party where none of my close friends would be available for me to cling to. I didn’t need to go outside my comfort zone because I had enough friends.
Then, I moved to Nashville and I had no friends. I tried a few things in hopes of making friends without having to completely confront my social anxiety — church group, weird online forums. I made one friend (hi, KG!), but in retrospect I probably took the most anxiety-inducing route. I ended up making a few more friends with some people the Modern Beau knew which was perfectly inside my comfort zone.
Then, I moved to Knoxville and I had only a few friends and The MB. A funny thing happened though. The social anxiety dissipated. I don’t know if it was all those dress rehearsals from Nashville that made me less scared. Or maybe having to make cold calls at work from time to time in the past few years. Or maybe the blog/Twitter have helped me come out of my shell. But it’s mostly better now, with only an occasional flare up.
Still, I can’t help but think when I go to the Christmas party tomorrow night, will I be stepping into a lion’s den of anxiety? Back with the types of gals who could easily make me feel insecure about my looks or social life? Or surrounded by a bunch of gals whom I might not even know? We’ll see just how far I’ve come.
I was exactly like you with my sorority. I’ll be very interested in how it goes for you. Good luck!
I’m currently reading ‘Girls on the Verge’ about initiations and sororities!
It’s something that I thought of doing for about two minutes in college but thought it seemed like a hassle.
As you age, social anxiety definitely ceases. It’s like who gives a *blip*. If only that attitude would have hit earlier…
I’m with fishingaround. And you know my backstory with my sorority. But I feel less and less compelled to impress the “cool” people and instead make overtures with the people who really are cool. Like, you know, you.
So raise glass. Remember your pledge class time. And if it goes poorly, remember, you’re fabulous just the way you are.
i would have never pegged you as a sorority girl!
but i’m glad you are going to the party, i think it sounds like fun. and if it stinks, you can always leave : )
i wouldn’t fret too much, because at the very least, unlike the awkward online forums (which i’ve totally done here in dc but usually chickened out and didn’t attend but i’m still on like FIVE different mailing lists), you have something in common and regardless how involved you were in a sorority, it always amazes me how all the sorority gals i’ve come across bond over the sorority – regardless whether they were the introvert who would rather stay in on a friday or the stereotypical sorostitute 🙂
You’ll do great! have fun! 🙂
Neither college I attended even had sororities, so it’s a culture I just don’t understand (but am kind of fascinated by in a weird way).
That said, I hope you have a good time. I totally understand that kind of anxiety. I’m over most of it too, but it still comes back in certain situations.
I find a little alcohol always helps the social anxiety. But just a little, because too much makes you do stupid things.
Althogh I never did the sorority thing (my college didn’t have them) I hear you on the social anxiety thing. It always shocks people when I tell them. I’m comfortable speaking in front of hundreds of people but put me at a party of 20 people I don’t really know and I’ll want to die.
That said I try to down a quick drink to loosen me up and then force myself some time to meet someone interesting if I don’t meet someone I can have a conversation with in 20 minutes I generally tend to leave. There are very few times I’ve actually left but because I’d given it a chance I never felt guilty!
Gasp! I am shocked and appalled!
Just kidding. The college I went to had no Greek life, and to be honest, that’s one of the major reasons I went there. I enjoy mixed company and can think of few things worse than being in a room full of only women or only men.
Being in your profession helped me with shyness too. I’m still not exactly outgoing, but I have less trouble talking to strangers than I used to.
Just keep thinking: I’m probably awesomer than any of them. And since you are pretty awesome, there’s a good chance you won’t be lying to yourself.
Oh, and as long as you didn’t sign up for the sorority girl/lower back tattoo package deal, we can still be friends.
I’m judging by your comment on my blog that you did not.
I feel you with the social anxiety. I do great one on one, reasonably well with small groups but in a large group of people I don’t feel much of a connection with, yeah, I’d rather head home.
How’d it go?
I’m having trouble making friends after college. I never realized how easy it was when I was in college. I was so nervous and concerned about how people saw me but I was surrounded by potential friends.
Now I don’t know where to start… it’s hard.
Please post more about this. I’ll bookmark you.