Modern Friends, this, my day off, is not exactly going as planned. First I discovered water to be trickling ever so slowly out of the bottom of my hot-water tank and onto the floor. Then I learn my boy Albert Haynesworth has struck a deal with the Washington Redskins. THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS. They are not the Tennessee Titans.

So I’m trying to distract myself with more time wasters and found a good one today: movies in ultra-condensed form. This really boils them down to the basics, really all you need to know.

Take, for example, an old favorite of mine, Casablanca:

Ingrid Bergman: Oh, Rick.
Humphrey Bogart: Oh, Ilsa.
Paul Henreid: Oh, nuts.
Conrad Veidt: Oh, (dies).

Yep, that’s pretty much all you need to know.

There’s also the 30-second version done by the Angry Alien bunnies. Here’s the whole list of bunny movie re-enactments.